Posts Tagged With: Satire

WORDS

 

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”

 

~ Rudyard Kipling ~

 

Digitally enhanced image created from an original photo of a 1908 edition of Webster’s International Dictionary taken in February 2018.


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Categories: Photography, Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

BREAKFAST ON THE BLOG – THE NEW NOIR

 

Breakfast 27 June 2015

 

Good morning and welcome once again to another edition of Breakfast On The Blog. This morning we explore:

 

THE HARD FACTS ABOUT VICTOR NOIR

 

 

Last year I made a mistake. I did a post about the grave of Victor Noir in the Père Lachaise cemetery in Paris. You can view the post here:

https://nitepoetry.wordpress.com/2014/04/08/a-paris-moment-the-grave-of-victor-noir/

 

Never mind that I try to post creative poetry, interesting photos, archaeological endeavours and various perspectives on politics, music and life, the post about Noir’s grave tops them all for views each and every week (shaking my head). How so many people can be so interested in some poor bloke getting his bronze hard on rubbed hundreds if not thousands of times a day, I cannot fathom. I mean it is an interesting grave site, but…

Now, they have managed to keep the barriers around Jim Morrison’s grave, but an attempt to keep people from giving old Victor a rub didn’t last long and the barriers were soon removed. Morrison must be green with envy; after all, he wasn’t averse to having his member rubbed either. And now, this turns up. Imagine, after 124 years of having his penis rubbed to a finely polished shine by generations of adoring ladies, there has been a new development at the grave site. This ought to bring a whole new aspect to visiting his grave. I suppose the moral of this story is, if you want a certain degree of immortality, leave future generations something at your grave site that they can take a shine to…

 

000 Victor Noir New


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Categories: Paris, Perspective, Photography | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

BREAKFAST ON THE BLOG

Good morning and welcome once again to Breakfast On The Blog. This morning we welcome you to your future. Get out your cash or your credit and debit cards, for like the giant corporations of Monsanto and Nestlé, the new kid on the block is moving in and is about to pick your pockets for the price of something you simply can’t afford to do without…

 

AEREOLIXOR ©

Introducing the world’s newest Mega-Corporation

 

After years of research and marketplace evaluation, I and my investors have finally decided to create an international company. It will have a presence in all 196 countries of the world. I am going to follow the example of those corporate giants like Monsanto, which is trying to patent the world’s food supply and Nestlé, which is trying to take out patents on the world’s water supply. The company I intend to start is going to be named AEREOLIXOR ©. Simply explained, I am going to take out patents on air, or more specifically, on oxygen and the whole process of breathing. Once my patents are granted, and judging from the success of companies like Nestlé and Monsanto, and the backing they get from governments, I should have no trouble getting such a patent, my company will proceed to set up a system where every single human being will have to pay a fee to use AEREOLIXOR‘s © patented molecularly enhanced oxygen.

Now I know that you cannot just walk in to a patent office and file a patent on air. What we intend to do is modify the molecular structure of the oxygen by adding an invisible atomic particle that will serve to enhance the oxygen molecule. The process and the end product will be what we patent. This will be done by setting up enhancing generators worldwide that will “seed” the existing oxygen eventually replacing it with our product, that naturally everyone will then be using. The usage fee will be implemented in the form of a basic tax on all individuals applied from birth by their respective governments, who will of course get a certain percentage of the revenue generated. There will be no opting out (the consequences of not being able to breathe being obvious). Just as everyone has to eat and drink to survive, they have to breath and AEREOLIXOR‘s © patent on enhanced oxygen will insure that, like the patents on seeds and genetically modified crops and water for drinking and for irrigation, a continuous source of revenue will be flowing into the treasuries of the world’s governments. AEREOLIXOR © also intends to patent related processes like that of converting oxygen into carbon dioxide and I am happy to announce that we are also developing a system to patent the process of photosynthesis, which will allow the company to generate revenue from just about anything green and growing that also uses oxygen. And we are looking into applying the same kind of patent and revenue generating structure on the oxygen used by all domesticated animals. Of course, once all these patents are granted there will be a new registered and copyright protected name for what was formerly known as oxygen. The new name will be Aerogyyn ®.

The average adult at rest inhales and exhales something like 7 or 8 liters (about one-fourth of a cubic foot) of air per minute. That totals something like 11,000 liters of air (388 cubic feet) in a day. The air that is inhaled is about 20-percent oxygen, and the air that is exhaled is about 15-percent oxygen, so about 5-percent of the volume of air is consumed in each breath and converted to carbon dioxide. Therefore, a human being uses about 550 liters of pure oxygen (19 cubic feet) per day. The fee for Aerogyyn ® usage will be based on these kinds of statistics. An exact rate has yet to be established because there are many other mitigating factors that have to be computed into the formula. AEREOLIXOR © will provide more detailed information as the project is implemented worldwide.

We here at AEREOLIXOR © are looking forward to counting you among our customers in the very near future and hope that our products and services will enhance and bring quality to your lives. So sit back and relax and take a long deep breath…

Dr. Frank Lee Acharlleton ~ CEO, President and Founder of AEREOLIXOR © Industries


BREAKFAST ON THE BLOG


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